Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And we’ve just been chatting with John and Dave.
Now, John and Dave have just moved into our lovely little village of Upton Went from London.
What part of London?
All of them.
John’s full name is John Dave.
And Dave’s full name is Dave John.
John Dave has a brother called Dave Dave.
And Dave has a brother called John John.
John Dave’s middle name is Dave.
And Dave’s middle name is John.
John used to be married to Joan, so they were John Dave and Joan Dave.
And Dave used to be married to Davina, so they were Dave John and Davina John.
Confused? You will be?
Joan Dave’s maiden name was Pave, so she used to be Joan Pave.
And if Joan Dave and John Dave wanted to have a double-barrelled surname, they would have been John Pave-Dave and Joan Pave-Dave, or John Dave-Pave and Joan Dave-Page, but they didn’t.
Davina John’s maiden name was Ron, so she used to be Davina Ron.
And if Davina John and Dave John wanted to have a double-barrelled surname, they would be been Dave Ron-John and Davina Ron-John, or Dave John-Ron and Davina John-Ron, but they didn’t either.
Now, Joan Dave has a sister, Maeve.
Maeve was engaged to Dave, so they could have been Dave and Maeve, but that didn’t work out.
And Maeve was also engaged to John, so they would have been John and Maeve, but that didn’t work out.
And she would have been Maeve Dave, or Maeve Pave-Dave, or Maeve Dave-Pave if they had wanted a double-barrelled surname, which they didn’t.
Maeve put it about a bit before marrying Derek, but that’s not important right now.
What did she put about a bit?
Herself. She also dislocated her tongue at every family reunion.
Not only that, but Davina John has a sister, Daisy.
Daisy was engaged to John, so they could have been John and Daisy, but that didn’t work out.
And Daisy was also engaged to Dave, so they would have been Dave and Daisy, but that didn’t work out.
And she would have been Daisy Dave, or Daisy Pave-Dave, or Daisy Dave-Pave if they had wanted a double-barrelled surname, which they didn’t.
Daisy also put it about a bit before marrying Derek, after he divorced Maeve, but that’s not important right now.
This now meant that Daisy and Maeve were related by marriage to each other and that Derek was John and Dave’s brother-in-law twice over.
Now, Dave divorced Davina years ago.
And John divorced Joan years ago, too.
And Dave didn’t miss Davina.
And John didn’t miss Joan either.
However, they both missed company in the evenings and decent, civilised conversation.
So, John spent more and more time at Dave’s place.
And Dave spent more and more time at John’s place.
And eventually John and Dave realised they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other from the start.
So, John and Dave moved in together and later got married.
Therefore, they had to decide whether they were going to be John John and Dave John, or Dave Dave and John Dave.
And so John and Dave have moved to our lovely little village of Upton Went and they’re very welcome.
I know we could have just said that John and Dave moved to our lovely little village of Upton Went and they’re a couple, but it was much more fun this way, wasn’t it?
Anyway, that’s all for this time, but we’ll be with you again next time.
O.K., goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 