Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And we’ve just been chatting to John and Dave.
They’ve just been on holiday because John got a job at a supermarket.
And Dave found that, in common with many things in shops lately, he was getting smaller portions.
And Dave told John that he’d noticed, since he started working at the supermarket, that his personal individual portions were getting smaller, especially in the bedroom.
So, Dave suggested they went on holiday to reinvigorate things that needed reinvigorating.
John claimed it was a side effect of working on the cold meat counter.
And Dave told him it was time his cold meat got taken out of the freezer and warmed up.
So, they booked a week’s holiday at this guest house they knew in Ireland.
They set off, planning on driving and then using the ferry, but unfortunately John was navigating.
They ended up lost, somewhere in Scotland.
John admitted they were lost and Dave said it would’ve helped if he was holding the map the right way up.
And John said at least it was only the map he was holding the wrong way up.
Anyway, Dave noticed a guest house within sight and suggested they stay there instead, if they had a room.
And John said it looked like something out of a Hammer horror film. He once saw a film where this couple were all bitten on the neck during the night.
And Dave said the chance would be a find thing.
So, in they went.
To the guest house.
And John went up to the person on the reception desk and said “are you religious?”
He said he wasn’t.
And John said “do you belong to any church congregation?”
He said he didn’t.
And John said “good, in that case my partner and I would like a single room with one double bed, please and before you ask, no, we won’t be needing a birthday cake with any “Sesame Street” characters on it.”
After they’d seen the room they arranged for a meal. They ordered the fish.
And John said his was hanging off the side of the plate.
And Dave said “good, I knew you’d get back to normal as soon as you got away from that awful supermarket.”
They had a marvellous week and when they got back home to our lovely little village of Upton Went they found an invitation to a wedding on their doorstep.
It was the invitation that was on their doorstep, not the wedding and guess where it was.
Scotland.
And John said “I hate gay weddings.”
And Dave said “what d’you mean, you hate gay weddings, you were at ours?”
and John said “I know, so were you.”
And Dave said “I noticed, so what’s the problem?”
And John said “well, the joke’s wearing a bit thin, serving cucumber sandwiches, banana horses duvets and tofu on the buffet, waiting to see who picks what and saying ‘so that’s what your love life’s like!’ ”
And Dave said “we’ll go, but we won’t eat anything.”
So they went and every time someone picked something from the buffet they said “aye aye, so that’s what your love life’s like!”
Anyway, it’s time for us to go now, but we’ll see you again next time. Be good.
O.K., goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 