Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And we were examining each other the other day.
Always a good idea.
Name?
Henry O’Shaunnessy.
Address?
Number 17, the third toadstool from the left, Gallifrey, Southern Ireland, Eire.
Age?
327 and a half, next birthday.
What is your religion?
I’m the King of the Fairies.
And I’m the Queen of the May.
But if anyone gets nosey, it’s none of their business your gay.
What seems to be the trouble?
I’ve got a strange hollow feeling in my breast.
In your chest.
No, in my breast.
How would you describe it?
It’s large, round, pink, with a nipple on top.
No, the hollow feeling.
Well, you know that feeling you have when you feel hungry?
Yes.
Well, it’s like that.
Without the grumbling.
Of course without the grumbling! How can my breast be grumbling? It’s like my stomach.
Your stomach’s not up there.
I know my stomach’s not up there! Of course my stomach’s not up there!
Turn round and let me have a look at it.
You won’t be able to see my breast from behind!
What are you doing here?
I’m stood here in the middle of this sketch talking to you.
When did this sketch first appear?
Well, it started when I first said hello, I had a couple of good lines and now I’m unable to find the end.
The end of what?
This sketch.
How do you know this is a sketch? We’re in the bedroom.
Because that’s what this is. This is the Bedroom Sketch. That’s why they’re all here.
Who?
The audience.
I can’t see the audience.
Then you need your eyes testing. How you expect to be a GP I don’t know.
But I’m not a GP.
Then I need my eyes testing.
Perhaps you’d see better if you found the end. Why not find the start and work back.
I don’t know where to start.
Start at the beginning. It’s a very good place to start.
That’s what Julie Andrews said.
But she doesn’t have breasts that grumble.
I wouldn’t know.
Perhaps if you went to the bathroom.
I’ve been. Where d’you think I get my material from? Perhaps if we brought sex into the sketch we could find the end?
Sex?
Yes, one less than seven.
I wouldn’t mind some more.
We’d better say goodnight to all the nice people around the world.
O.K. goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 