Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
With so much publicity being given to terorists by the media, just to sell papers, we thought this would be a perfect time to hold the ‘2nd Annual Terrorist Video Awards.’
Anyone in the media who helps turn a bloodsucking terrorist into a celebrity is a sick blood-junkey, with all 7 George Carlin words preceding their name.
So, for all the sick blood-junkeys in the media, welcome to the ‘2nd Annual Terrorist Awards.’
The award for best actor in a leading role goes to Father Jacques Hamel.
Unfortunately, Father Hamel cannot be with us tonight because some sick bastards slit his throat when he was saying mass in Normandy in July.
The award for best actress in a leading role goes to Sister Danielle.
Unfortunately Sister Danielle cannot be with us tonight because she is still suffering from shock after witnessing the murder of Father Hamel in July.
Our best wishes go to Sister Danielle and all other friends and colleagues of Father Hamel.
The award for best adapted screenplay goes to all the bastards who attacked a shopping centre on the site of the 1972 Olympics, when Israeli athletes were taken hostage and all died, due to the authorities screwing it all up.
Unfortunately, they cannot be with us tonight because they were rightly shot by authorities and we wouldn’t allow them here anyway.
The award for best original screenplay goes to the bastard who drove a truck through a crowd in Nice on Bastille Day in July.
Unfortunately he cannot be with us tonight because, once they woke up and stopped watching the frigging fireworks, the authorities shot the bastard.
The award for best comedy performance goes to Angela Merkel for declaring a “welcoming culture” in Germany for as many refugees as possible, without thinking terrorists might take advantage and slip into continental Europe with them.
Unfortunately Angela Merkel probably could be with us tonight, but we had absolutely no intention of inviting her.
The award for most calming remark in a speech is next.
This new award goes to the Pope for saying “the world is now at war” after the terrorist attack in Normandy.
Unfortunately the Pope cannot be with us tonight either because we didn’t feel we could invite him without inviting all other religious leaders and we haven’t got enough chairs, besides the Dali Lama is washing his hair tonight.
The award for best catchphrase goes to Francois Hollande for saying “France is at war” in July,just as he said “France is at war” in January last year, after the terrorist attacks in Paris and not managing to do anything to prevent subsequent terrorist attacks in France.
Unfortunately Francois Hollande could be with us tonight, whereas hundreds of others in France cannot because they have been killed of seriously injured since ‘Charlie Hebdo’ in January last year, so we had no intention of inviting him either.
The award for best newcomer goes to Theresa May, Britain’s new Prime Minister, for making sure Britain leaves Europe very far behind.
Unfortunately Theresa May probably could have been here tonight, but we haven’t invited anyone else, so why the hell should we make an exception for her?
Finally, the award for best director goes to Donald Trump for helping direct the western world towards dealing with all these bloodsucking terrorists, whereas, for the sake of balance, Hillary Clinton seems to be more keen on carrying on where Barack Obama left off by doing nothing very helpful.
Unfortunately Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton probably could have been here tonight, but, bearing in mind the way the Presidential Debates are going, we thought it best to leave them to it.
Following the end of tonight’s ‘2nd Annual Terrorist Video Awards’ a truck was driven through the theatre and the master of ceremonies had his through slit live on the internet, before the theatre was blown up.
And that is the end of the ‘2nd Annual Terrorist Video Awards.’
It’s time for us to go now. Say goodnight to all the nice people around the world, but only the nice ones.
O.K, goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 