Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And we were just talking about sex.
You know, that thing the English can only talk about by mouthing the word.
Which sounds like “ex.”
We asked the Reverend Archie Farcnad about how a lot of religious people seem not to allow themselves to enjoy sex, as if to enjoy sex would be sinful, which it is not.
And the Reverend Archie Farcnad said “Well, sex is just this thing, you know?”
So, he was a lot of use!
We wondered if some opened in prayer beforehand and said “For what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful.”
Or whether some women leave their hats on.
It’s a lot safer with a hat on!
It’s so sad when couples feel coupling is a duty to be discharged, if you’ll pardon the expression, rather than a gift.
Rather like National Service.
Standing to attention horizontally and doing rifle drill at night.
That’s another thing. Some seem to think sex in the day is kinky.
So, they have sex only nocturnally?
Yes, they only come out at night.
Then there are the strange customs, like a man having his hair cut at a barbers on a Friday and the barber asking if he wanted “Something for the weekend.”
Which means a condom, but the English are too shy to call it a condom, so they call it a Rubber Johnny, or, quite bizarrely, French Letters.
Who was Rubber Johnny, we wonder?
And why should the French be seen as obsessed with sex?
It’s not that the French, or anyone else, is obsessed with sex, it’s just that the English are not very comfortable with it.
Someone said Finland is even more shy.
Perhaps the Finnish use English Letters and Rubber Eriks.
Then there’s the orgasm.
Some seem to think to enjoy the orgasm is somehow sinful.
If God hadn’t intended us to enjoy sex he wouldn’t have given us the orgasm.
I always thought that was to tell you when it’s over.
You have just reduced thousands of years of study into human relationships into Porky Pig saying at the end of a Warner Brothers cartoon “That’s all folks!”
Or “Game over!”
In which case to continue playing you’d have to put another penny in the slot!
Of course, it’s worth pointing out in conclusion, that all these hangups, or should that be hangdowns, seem to pertain to straight couples for some reason.
Whereas there must be some exceptions, gay couples don’t seem to have such shyness.
On the whole they seem much more comfortable about expressions of love and affection.
At the end of the day, or even at the start of it, any relationship is not about sex and sex doesn’t need to be present at all, it’s about two people loving each other because they can’t stand to be apart.
That is love!
And with that we must love you and leave you, but we’ll see you again next week.
Say goodnight to all the nice people around the world.
OK, goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 