Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
Hope you enjoyed the wedding last week. We did.
If you’re wondering why we aren’t on our honeymoon, we’re going to have it later.
Not a euphanism.
We’re going to have our honeymoon when we get our breath back.
Also not a euphanism.
When we’ve made our mind up where we want to go.
You’ll remember that everyone came to our wedding, including Botox Betty.
Unfortunately, the day after the wedding Botox Betty was playing squash and she got hit in the face with a shuttlecock.
She got hit in the face by a shuttled cock while she was being squashed.
No, a shuttlecock. it’s no joke. Her latest facelift fell off. She should’ve stuck to ping pong.
Mr Ping Pong hit her with a shuttled cock while he was squashing her?
No, there is no Mr. Ping Pong. I never mentioned a Mr. Ping Pong. Botox Betty was taken into the canteen at the leisure centre and fell against the dining room doors.
So Mr. Ping Pong had squashed Diana Dors as well?
What’s Diana Dors got to do with it? I never mentioned Diana Dors.
Yes you did. Was it Diana Dors who first discovered Mr. Ping Pong has a shuttled cock?
There is no Mr. Ping Pong and I never mentioned Diana Dors. I said Botox Betty had an accident against the dining room doors.
Mr. Ping Pong had Botox Betty against the dining room doors? No wonder he’s got a shuttled cock!
Please try to understand, there is no Mr. Ping Pong. In fact Botox Betty had to be seen by a doctor because her facelift had fallen off.
Someone might’ve picked it up.
No, not that sort of fallen. She had to go and have her latest Botox treatment redone. First she needed to be treated for shock.
What sort of doctor was he? A doctor doctor or a different doctor? It’s confusing. You have doctors who are doctors of medicine and doctors who are doctors of philosophy.
That’s because medicine was a philosophy when Hippo Crates started it all off in Greece.
That musical with John Revolting and Olivia Newton Abbot?
No, the country.
So, there were doctors who were doctors of philosophy before there were doctors who were doctors of medicine?
Yes and doctor doctors mucked it all up by having their own MD thingy instead of being PhDs because they didn’t feel special enough. PhDs are special enough for anyone. Ask Botox Betty.
So, you can have MD doctors and PhD doctors, so to speak?
Yes, MD is a doctor of medicine. It should be DM, but then they might think they’re Danger Mouse. PhD is a doctor of philosophy. It should be DPh, but they might think that means doughnuts per hour.
I don’t agree with all that tackle about ageing celebrities trying to look younger by have some doctor doctor in a clinic fill a syringe with fat from their bums and squirting it at their foreheads.
Well, Botox Betty can’t help it, can she?
Cliff Richard does all that tackle, doesn’t he?
So I’ve heard. He does it every couple of months or whatever.
It’s a wonder he can sit down at all without a rubber ring. His bum must be raw. No wonder he’d had a number one every year for ages.
Lulu does that as well, doesn’t she?
What, have a number one for ages?
No, had a syringe from her bum on her forehead.
Has she?
What worries me is what if they go on a busy day and someone get the syringes mixed up?
Well, how d’you mean?
Well, Lulu could have Cliff Richard’s bum splashed in her face!
I hope Botox Betty doesn’t have Cliff Richard’s bum splashed in her face. It’s been enough of a shock having Mr. Ping Pong squash his shuttled cock in her face against the dining room doors at the leisure centre.
There is no Mr. Ping Pong and Botox Betty’s never met Cliff Richard.
This is all very confusing.
Say goodnight to everyone and I’ll explain it to you again.
O.K. goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 