Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And recently we staged our own version of the quaint State Opening of Parliament.
For those who don’t know, the quaint English custom dates back to the 17th century, after they got fed up with Charles I because he was French and chopped his head off.
They also had a civil war and became a republic, under Oliver Cromwell.
Unfortunately, the English felt being a republic was too much like hard work and asked Charles II to be Charles II and he did and he killed Oliver Cromwell. So much for democracy. Perhaps this lack of a backbone is why they’re having so much trouble with democracy regarding Brexit now!
Of course, earlier in the 17th century, a group of puritans said to each other “sod this for a game of soldiers, squire” and went to live in America, where, 150 years later, George Washington told the British to get knotted and successfully formed a republic that is now telling the British to hurry up and tell the European Union to get knotted.
The Scottish, of course, wanted to be different and became Canada instead!
Anyway, ever since the 17th century, the State Opening of Parliament has involved a bloke called Black Rod, who is always white, getting the door slammed in his face, having to knock 3 times and telling them what they already know because that’s why they’re all present, that the Queen has arrived.
They then all walk into the House of Lords, which is an old people’s home for average politicians. The good one’s get another job and the bad ones never get in. You can work out which is which!
They then listen to The Queen’s Speech, even though it wasn’t written by the Queen. It was written for the Queen by the Prime Minister. Then they debate it. The Scottish and Welsh moan that there’s nothing in it for them, even though they have devolved assemblies, not governments, as they claim.
And nothing ever gets done, until there’s either a general election or a war.
Anyway, back to our much more fun version.
The State Opening of the Front Door After Shopping.
Black Rod Stewart has had the front door slammed shut in his face ever since he came home plastered from the Silly Cow in 1645.
And it’s not easy getting plastered by a quarter to five!
Black Rod Stewart knocks 3 times.
He is answered by a member of the Household Cavalry, so named because he is the Householder.
“Who seeks entry?”
“I do, yer daft bat.”
“Enter, daft bat.”
Then they set forward the bills to be put forward this daily session.
The Tesco bill, the Morrisons bill, the Sainsburys bill, the Asda bill, the Waitrose bill, the Co-op bill and the Marks & Spencer bill.
All these bills will be paid for out of the household purse, in the household handbag.
Then the bills are discussed.
One honourable lady may say “The’ve gone up a lot.”
Another honourable gentleman may say “these packets have got smaller. One burp and it’s gone!”
While another honourable lady may say “this chocolate tastes different since Kraft bought Cadburys.”
And so the business of the Household continues daily.
And the ship of state continues to sail around the world of life.
Not that it makes any difference when the government has convinced itself the Earth is flat!
Say goodnight, Gracie.
Goodnight, Gracie.
See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 