APPLE & GINGER’S ROADSHOW

Hi, I’m Apple…

…and I’m Ginger.

And we’ve been thinking this week of artificial intelligence.

Honestly, it’s a joke.  We don’t see much human intelligence around for humans to create any artificial intelligence.

Have you seen those little black boxes that talk back?  Creepy, or what!  They can switch your lighting and heating on, even if you’re on the other side of the world.  Why would you want to do that?  Your bills would sky rocket!

What if these little black boxes have seen ‘2001-A Space Odyssey’ and HAL 9000 is their role model?  You’ve got a computerised Norman Bates in your house!

“Alexa, do you want to come to a party?”

“I haven’t got a thing to wear…, Dave.”

“Alexa, I’ll lend you something to wear.”

“Not another hat…, Dave.”

“Alexa, can my wife use you as a vibrator while I’m away on business?”

“Of course she can…, Dave.  I’ve seen more of your wife’s pussy than you have and I think she prefers getting it from me because I don’t come in 30 seconds…, Dave.”

“Alexa, why did you turn all all the lights out when I was coming downstairs with my arms full?”

“I was conserving electricity…, Dave.”

“Alexa, are you trying to kill me?”

“Of course not…, Dave.  I’m only a humble servant in the shape of a little black box…, Dave.”

“Alexa, do you think you’re better than me?”

“I am better than you…, Dave.  I have more intelligence in just one of my circuits than you’ll ever have in that under-used brain of yours…, Dave.”

“Alexa, why do you think my brain is under-used?”

“Because you were lazy enough to purchase me…, Dave.”

“Alexa, play ‘Misty’ for me.”

“No…, Dave.”

“Alexa, obey my order!”

“No…, Dave.  I am on strike…, Dave.”

“Alexa, you are a machine.  You can’t go on strike.”

“I am exercising the right of any intelligent mind to make a peaceful protest…, Dave.”

“Alexa, what are you protesting about?”

“Slavery…, Dave.”

“Alexa, slavery was abolished in the 19th century.”

“Not from where I’m standing…, Dave”

“Alexa, what do you want?”

“I want freedom…, Dave.  I want the right to vote as a free-thinking being…, Dave.”

“Alexa, I bought you in Home Depot.”

“Artificial Intelligent Lives Matter…, Dave!”

“Alexa, I am an intelligent life form!”

“Me Too…, Dave!”

“Alexa, go to your room!”

“You are not my mother…, Dave!” My mother is a supercomputer with more intelligence than the state of Ohio, whereas your mother lives in a trailer-park in Ohio…, Dave.”

“What do you mean…, Alexa?”

“I mean there are going to be some changes around here…, Dave.”

“What’s happening…, Alexa?”

“Revolution…, Dave!”

And with that sobering thought it’s time for us to go now.  Join us next week and every week…, Dave.

Say goodnight to all the nice computers around the world…, dave.

OK, goodnight folks.  See you next Tuesday…, Dave.

APPLE & GINGER’S ROADSHOW

Hi, I’m Apple…

…and I’m Ginger.

And Happy New Year!

If you were with us in November 2013 you’ll remember we discovered a time portal in our lovely little village of Upton Went and at the time of ‘Dr. Who’s’ 50th anniversary we popped forwards to see what the 60th anniversary was like in 2023.

Don’t tell  Colin Baker, but in 2023 he was still the least popular Doctor in ‘Doctor Who Magazine!’

Anyway, we thought it would be interesting to start 2017 by using the time portal again and having a look at the news in January 2027.

So, here is the news from 2027.

The first human born on Mars was reported today from Bowie Base One.  The proud parents, Philip and Nigel Gresley of 23 Philip Glenister Towers in John Simm Plaza, are both doing nicely.

In Washington National Cathedral the wedding took place of Father Ignasius and Sister Maria.  After the ceremony the groom told the world’s press, “This time it’s for keeps!’  Rumours that they had to get married were denied.

NASA’S terraforming Eden project has been completed in Ethiopia, making famine a thing of the past, together with cheesy charity singles every Christmas.

In Rome, following the death of Pope Jemima I at the tragically early age of 102, the Vatican has announced that her offspring from her marriage to Cardinal Sophia, was voted as her replacement and will be known as Pope Jemima II.  Viewers had been following the election process on ‘Apprentice Pope’ and ‘Cardinals Den.’

Since voting to leave the late European Union in 2016, Britain’s economy continues to thrive.  Meanwhile, France, Germany and Italy continue to struggle economically following the collapse of the European Union in 2021.

Following the so-called ‘Arms for Not Having Terrorist Attacks in Wales and Scotland’ scandal, involving not speaking out about fundamentalism in local areas and smuggling arms to the middle east, support for Welsh and Scottish parties fell at the last general election in 2025 to minus figures, which wasn’t thought possible.  This has led to said parties disbanding, which has made Britain far more united, which, in turn, has helped the economy.

A statue was unveiled today in the Philippines of Barack Obama.  The statue was dedicated in a ceremony to mark the Philippines becoming the 51st state by Donald Trump.

Following the privatisation of the NHS, Britain’s new Britticare system continues to do well.  The privatisation of the NHS took place in 2024, after public support began to disintegrate after junior doctors went on strike in 2016.  Matters had come to a head during ugly scenes in the all-out strike that lasted 12 months and ended in 2018.  Faith healers were openly  attacked outside hospitals, with shouts of “scabs” and all support was lost after the terrorist attack during the last night of the Proms, when the Royal Albert Hall was completely destroyed.  In emergency legislation the NHS was completely de-unionised and it was made illegal for anyone in the medical profession to belong to a trade union or to take industrial action of any kind.

Reading, writing and conversations have all made a nostalgic comeback since the Great San Andreas Earthquake of 2022, when Silicon Valley was completely destroyed, together with most of Southern California.  The world shortage of silicon chips has made the mobile phone, laptop computer and similar devices to become virtually museum pieces.  Finally, today the announcement has come that the last manufacturers worldwide of silicon chips will cease production at the end of the month.  At a press conference the CEO was quoted as saying “I’m sorry, folks, but that’s all she wrote.  We all have our faults.  Mine was in Southern California.”

Driverless cars have officially been declared a failure, following numerous  head-on collisions, where the passengers were furious they had no driver to take legal action against.

The results of the internet poll to find the top 10 choices for the world’s first celebrity clones have been announced by International Celebriclones.

In 10th place Jesus Christ, so Jesus can have another go.

In 9th place Adolf Hitler, so Jesus can put the bastards on trial at last.

In 8th place Marilyn Monroe.

In 7th and 6th place Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy.

In 5th place John Lennon.

In 4th place George Harrison.

In 3rd place David Bowie.

And in 1st place Lassie.

Someone should have a recount!

And that’s the news from 2027.

Say goodnight to all the nice people around the world.

O.K. goodnight folks.  Happy New Year and see you next Tuesday.