Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And we were changing a lightbulb the other night.
What an exciting life we lead!
And as we were changing it we noticed it was loose and didn’t need changing after all.
Bet you didn’t see that twist coming!
And Bomber Roberts was there and said “When I was was working on Avro Lincolns in the RAF I used to test if a lightbulb was loose by chucking up pieces of gravel at it. They used to go ping.”
And I said “I’m not going to throw gravel at my light fittings. They won’t go ping and there’ll be an awful pong if the wife finds out.”
Then Bomber Roberts explained the procedure for changing lightbulbs on Avro Lincolns and said it was all something to do with an Edison screw, apparently.
And I said “Was he randy, then, this Edison?”
And no, he wasn’t!
And I said “Wasn’t he the one who built the lighthouse?”
And Bomber Roberts said “No, that was Eddy-stone.”
And I said “Wasn’t he a bandleader in the ’30s?”
And Bomber Roberts said “No, that was Lew Stone.”
And I said “Wasn’t that what they used as a toilet in the Stone Age, a big stone with a hole in the middle?”
And Bomber Roberts said “Like ‘Polo’ mints?”
And I said “Yes, polo, the sport with a hole in the middle.”
Then we had a rest after all that brainy talk.
D’you know, Bomber Roberts was painting the outside of the house once and cut the phone line.
His wife waved as she came back from the shops and shouted “Don’t do it, you might cut the wrong one!”
He waved back!
When she got in the door he explained “It’s alright, I’ve traced the wire and it’s an old wire, no longer in use. Look, I’ll prove it to you” and he picked up the phone.
There was a deafening silence for about five seconds.
Then he said “Babs, I’ve accidentally cut the phone off.”
He put his coat on to phone from a call box around the corner.
He asked “Babs, have you got any 10ps, I’ve got to make some phone calls?”
So, off he went with a pile of 10ps.
First he phoned the telephone company and then there was a number of business calls he need to make.
A little old lady started waiting outside.
He leaned out of the phone box and said forcefully “It’s no good waiting, I’m going to be quite some time!”
Then there was the afternoon he nearly blinded a man from the gas company.
He was replacing a pipe on the cooker and it was stuck.
Bomber Roberts disappeared and reappeared shortly afterwards with a pair of heavy-duty pliers and said “Out of the way, this’ll save you time.”
There was a blinding flash!
The gas man hadn’t had time to dive for cover.
He just sat there, blinking wildly and picked his eyebrows of the kitchen floor.
What we looked at last week with the little old ladies we call Nanaisms.
These tales of Bomber Roberts we call Dadaisms.
So, to all the Nanas, Mamas, and Dadas, we say it’s time for us to go now. Join us next week and every week. It wouldn’t be the same without you.
Say goodnight to all the nice people around the world.
OK, goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 