Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And in ‘The Greatest Show Not On Earth’ last week David Frost interviewed Adolf Hitler. Here’s how it went.
“Hello, Good Afternoon and Welcome to ‘Frost Over Hitler.’ My guest has been dead since 1945, but that hasn’t stopped him being here today, by special rod-hot visa.”
“Danker.”
“Mr. Hitler, does the number six million mean anything to you today?”
“Ya, it is the global worth of my paintings.”
“No, it’s not that at all. Six million is the number of Jews, gays, Christians and jazz fans who died in the holocaust.”
“I never killed a Jew.”
“But you got others to kill them for you.”
“They were only following others’ orders. Not my orders. I never personally gave the order to kill Jews, or signed any. I have nothing personally against Jews, but they thwarted the new Germany, like the European Union today.”
“We’ll leave the European Union out of this, shall we, Mr. Hitler? What about your own ancestry?”
“I am arian through and through.”
“Who do you think you are kidding, Mr. Hitler? Your ancestors were Jewish, weren’t they?”
“Nine.”
“Oh, there were a lot more than nine. Is it not the truth, Mr. Hitler, that when you ordered the extermination of the Jews, you were, in fact, trying to extinguish your own non-arian, non Wagnerian roots?”
“I was giving them a new future.”
“You did that alright, Mr. Hitler. You gave them a new future in Heaven, after they were stripped, poisoned and cremated.”
“I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, then.”
“So, you do now.”
“It’s not for me to say.”
“Oh, but it is, Mr. Hitler, it is. What have you got to say to all the family and friends of the six million Jews you had killed if they’re tuning in now?”
“What would you suggest?”
“I think your own family history is complicated and I think you need to embrace your own Jewish parentage because, if you don’t, I think it’s gonna haunt you for the rest of eternity.”
“I was always a man of peace. I always wanted peace. Peace. ‘A little piece of Poland, a little piece of France, a little piece of Portugal and Austria, per chance.’ I was only ever a corporal. I was never a soldier. The soldiers were the others. I was only a politician. The soldiers made me more than a corporal. They said I made good speeches. They said it was the speeches that were going to save Germany, but the Jews, they didn’t like my speeches.”
“They weren’t allowed to hear any of your speeches. Any German with a Jewish background was not allowed the join the nazi youth, even if their fathers fought in the Great War.”
“That was so.”
“Except Corporal Adolf Hitler. His Jewish family background didn’t matter, did it? Why was that, Mr. Hitler?”
“They just liked my speeches.”
“But, according to your speeches, Mr. Hitler, you don’t qualify as Fuhrer. You don’t qualify as a nazi either, do you? You qualify for stripping, poisoning, cremating and exterminating at one of your own death camps, don’t you, Herr Schickelgruber?”
“May I ask you a question too, Mr. Frost?”
“Alright, just the one, yes.”
“How do you get a London taxi to stop, Frost?”
“Hail, Hitler!”
“You see, I got you to say it too!”
“Ladies and gentlemen, our time is up. It’s not the way I like to end an interview, but there it is.”
And he walked off stage, as a member of the studio audience shouted “Good old Frostie!”
“However, Adolf Hitler went back where it is anything but frosty, where he is sentenced to the greatest number you can think of, plus one.
Ironically, the person in the next cell is Emil Zanundra!
Say goodnight, Gracie.
Goodnight, Gracie.
See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 