Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And we’ve just been chatting with Beryl’s mum at the Gossip Shop.
And Beryl is in peril.
From her mum!
It all started when Beryl answered an advertisement for “acting & modelling work.” There was a lot of night work and Beryl’s mum was happy to trust her to look after herself, until one night last week when Beryl’s mum couldn’t sleep and was looking through various digital channels on television and came across many channels she’d never realised where there.
She had no idea there were so many adult channel throughout the night and it was then that Beryl’s mum saw Beryl on one of these adult channels, enticing young men to phone in to a sex chat line.
Beryl’s mum was so shocked she got Beryl’s dad out of bed and got him to ring the number on the screen and when he got through Beryl’s mum grabbed the phone and the conversation went something like this.
“Beryl, this is your mother. Put those away at once.”
“Don’t embarrass me, mum, I’m working.”
“What sort of work d’you call this?”
“I’m acting and modelling.”
“Yes and I can see what you’re modelling. Your father is stood next to me lying down. He’s apoplexic. He’s had an apoplexic fit. Haven’t you?”
“I have.”
“He has.”
“Mum, what do you want?”
“I want you to put your knickers, knackers and knockers away. Your father’s seen parts of you tonight he hasn’t seen since you were a baby.”
“But I’m working until 5am.”
“You’ll catch pneumonia by 5am. You know you always suffer with your chest this time of year with hayfever.”
“That’s why I work nights.”
“Don’t you cheek me. Where are you? I’m coming round to smack your bum!”
“Not now, mum. We only do spanking on subscription channels.”
“What would your boyfriend say, Beryl?”
“Who d’you think’s behind the camera, Mum?”
“You’ve changed, Beryl. You never learnt this at Brownies.”
“Wanna bet?”
“What about that nice girlfriend of yours, what would she think?”
“You can ask her yourself, she’s in the other side of the studio. We do double acts sometimes.”
“Beryl, for the last time, will you put your pants back on, pull your bra back down and get off that exercise bike? You’ll give yourself piles.
“Mum, your making a mountain out of a molehill.”
“Beryl, you’re a big girl, they’re not molehills anymore, I can assure you.”
“But I’m providing a service, Mum.”
“So do the Samaritans, Beryl, but they manage to do it without taking their clothes off.”
“If they did perhaps the suicide rate would go down.”
“Beryl, that’s a terrible, terrible thing to say in front of your parents.”
“I didn’t know it was your turn. Look, I finish at 5am. I’ll be back for breakfast and we can talk it over, alright.?”
“You’re a good girl, Beryl. What d’you want?”
“Two large buns, two melons and spotted dick!.
And she hung up.
But it all got sorted out, eventually.
Anyway, it’s time for us to go now and unwind. Say goodnight to all the nice people around the world.
O.K. goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 