Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And here’s more from Brian Maggot, reporting in his column ‘The Maggot Patch’ in the ‘Upton Times.’
“‘Nurse Who?’ No. ‘Mrs. Who?’ No. From now on I’m calling ‘Doctor Who’ ‘Doctored Who,’ now it’s been castrated by the BBC.”
“This is Brian Maggot reporting from the ‘Maggot Patch.’ News keeps coming in about ‘Doctored Who.’ Peter Davison said it was sad because he always saw it as a good role model for boys, without guns or violence. Now that has gone.”
“Think of all the schoolboys who will be bullied because their hero is a girl. They’ll be asked if they’re gay. The BBC didn’t think of that.”
“They seem to be confident of overseas sales. I can’t see Catholic countries being able to accept it. I certainly can’t see Arab countries accepting it. It would be seen as putting feminist ideas in Arab women’s minds and as a western conspiracy to push a lesbian and transgender propaganda campaign. The BBC didn’t think of that, either.”
“There are many roles for women. This is not one of them. Boys like it as a role model. That’s been destroyed now. Girls like it as a father figure, or a big brother, or a favourite uncle, or because they fancy him. That’s also been destroyed now.”
“How do you even begin to explain to a child that their favourite character has had a sex-change without tears before bedtime. The doctor was never cruel or cowardly. The BBC is!”
“I’ve noticed that the only positive comments in the press have been from articles all written by women. They talk of roles for women and feminism and glass ceilings and bilge like that. What they don’t talk about is ‘Doctored Who’ because they’re not fans and they couldn’t give a monkeys!”
“This week the ‘Radio Times’ had to admit the vast majority of correspondence had been against. One reader struck the nail on the head and said that the BBC should have given ‘Doctor Who’ a rest for a few years and done a spin-off series. In other words, if you’re going to do this damn silly thing, don’t do it in this damn silly way!”
“Any photograph of all the Doctors will now look like Spot the Black Eskimo!”
“In conclusion, let me leave you with these thoughts. At the start of the ‘Lively Arts – Whose Dr. Who’ programme in 1977, the first serious study of ‘Dr. Who,’ Melvyn Bragg started by saying that the Doctor had become as instantly recognisable as Tarzan or Billy Bunter and he said that, if you think that’s easy, you try writing a character as easily recognisable as Tarzan or Billy Bunter.”
“Why are they and others so famous? Tarzan is a man and Billy Bunter is a fat schoolboy. If they weren’t, they would cease to be instantly recognisable.”
“There are others. Miss Marple is an old lady. Father Brown is a priest. Sherlock Holmes is a man. Wonder Women isn’t. Superman is a man. Batman is. Captain America is a man. The Bionic Woman isn’t. The Six Million Dollar Man is. Basil Brush is a male fox. Black Beauty is a female horse. Sooty is a male bear. Lassie is a bitch, but that’s another story.”
“If you change the fundamentals of any of these characters, you destroy them.”
“If you feel betrayed by what the BBC have done to ‘Doctored Who,’ don’t just sit there, tell them. Loudly. There’s plenty to discover out there, move onto something else in life.”
“This is Brian Maggot signing off from the ‘Maggot Patch.'”
Good advice from Brian Maggot, there.
Yes, as Patrick McGoohan said in ‘The Prisoner’ make sure the BBC know you are not a number, you are a free man. Male or female, use that freedom and don’t be tied to ‘Doctored Who’ like a daily fix of cocaine. Be free. Be your own Doctor. Right your own ways. Discover the universe. It’s easy if you just try.
Anyway, it’s time for us to go now.
Yes, say goodnight to all the nice people around the world.
O.K, goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 