Hello folks. Here we are again for Christmas. Three episodes for you, so, scroll down for today’s episode, then scroll up for our Christmas Special and scroll up again for our New Year Special.
Back to normal on Tuesday January 8th 2019.
Happy Times and Places!
P.S. – We love you all!
January 1st 2019
Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
Happy New Year!
Let’s look at some significant dates and anniversaries to look out for in 2019.
A lot of important events take place in the final year of a decade.
This year is the centennial of the Treaty of Versailles being signed. Remember, November 11th 1918 was only the Armistice. The Treaty of Versailles was the event that formally marked the end of the Great War. In fact, many commemorative statues give the years 1914 to 1919. the Treaty of Versailles was signed by the Social Democrats, after a revolution in Germany during 1918. Corporal A. Hitler never forgave them for giving so much of Germany’s land away. Fast-forward 20 years. this year is also the 80th anniversary of the start of World War II – The Sequel!
If you thought the last decade was hard financially, remember that 2019 is the 90th anniversary of the Wall Street Crash. Have stock markets really learnt anything in 90 years?
This year is also the 75th anniversary of the D-Day landings, where we saved Ryan’s privates!
This year also marks China going communist 70 years ago. It also marks the 70th anniversary of the ‘Yangtse Incident,’ when a British warship was blockaded. China seems more open 70 years on, but remains mistrusted in the west!
Another revolution happened a decade later. In 1959 Fidel Castro came to power in Cuba. Many had a counter-revolution and went to live in Florida. Now, 60 years on, Cuba seems a different place, after Obama made friends and Fidel Castro passed power on to his brother.
A very important anniversary occurs on July 20th 2019. It will be the 50th anniversary of the First Man on the Moon. Neil Armstrong is now amongst the stars 50 years on, but the missions of Apollo XI in 1969 to Apollo XVII in 1972 represent a very important statement. Before people thought their smartphones were the most important things in the universe, we went to the Moon! If you’re too young to remember, boy, did you luck out!
On Christmas Day 1978 Vietnam invaded Cambodia to depose Pol Pot and so 2019 marks the end of the Killing Fields of the Kmer Rouge, or Red Army, 40 years on the and the end of Year Zero. Since 1973 madness had descended on Cambodia, at the end of the Vietnam War. Ironically, it was Vietnam that got rid of the communists in Cambodia. Although Year Zero is over 40 years on, a phrase that was to be heard in 1979 is still with us today. Boat people!
This year marks the 30th anniversary of the Fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989. Germany was reunified in 1990 and the Soviet Union fell in 1991. What happened next may have made a certain Vladimir Putin, then in the Silent Wasp, otherwise known as the Cagey Bee, feel like a certain Corporal A. Hitler felt in 1919 because Russia lost East Germany, a reunified Germany became far too dominant in the European Union and the European Union went on a land grab, taking all eastern European states away from Russia. The European Union may be paying the price for that land grab already!
This year is also the 25th anniversary of Nelson Mandela becoming President of South Africa in 1994. A quarter of a century on, are South Africans really any better off?
In 1999 Bill Clinton was indicted and 20 years on the Democrats are still kicking and screaming about it. Remember the debacle of the Kavanaugh case last October! Also 20 years ago, on New Year’s Eve 1999 Boris Yeltsin dropped a bombshell. He would resign at midnight, 9pm Greenwich Mean Time, so his named successor, Vladimir Putin, could replace him from Midnight on New Year’s Day 2000. Russia was back! Love ’em or hate’em, you can’t keep a former superpower down!
A decade ago Obama was inaugurated as President. This has proved a blessing and a curse. African-Americans and women may have been left with unrealistic expectations by him.
And so to 2019. We have shown that the last year of a decade has shaped the decades ahead for over a century. The twenty-teens are no different. March 19th 2019 will see Brexit!
How will this shape the 2020s? Could Russia take back the eastern states from the European Union, following the Ukraine and Crimea this decade? Will the European Union implode, just like the Soviet Union before it? Will the New Great Britain form a new empire through the Commonwealth, let by the monarchy and a newly independent government? Will Korea be reunified, like Germany before it?
Who knows? Shakespeare called the future “the undiscovered country,” so you’ll have to wait and see. I promise you one thing. It’ll be the trip of a lifetime!
Happy Times and Places.
Join us on the journey next week and every week. It wouldn’t be the same without you faithful companions along for the ride.
Say goodnight to all the nice people around the world.
OK., goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday on January 8th 2019.
December 25th 2018
Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And condements of the season.
Not to much salt and hold the mustard, or you might end up a sadsack underneath the mistletoe.Now, last night we were all enjoying Christmas Eve with Miserable Les at the ‘Silly Cow’ and the conversation between Miserable Les and his wife went like this:-
“This Christmas is special. It’s our last European Christmas. Next Christmas will be our first proper British Christmas since 1972.”
“But Les, we’re leaving the EU, not Europe itself. Continental Europe’s still going to be there. It’s not going to disappear off to somewhere off the Sargasso Sea.”
“Wouldn’t bother me if it did. Remember the Metric Martyrs! Market traders imprisoned for not going metric. That was a diabolical liberty. The EU owe us an apology for that! I’mean, the NFL says ‘it’s a game of inches.’ Well, it won’t be if the EU gets its grubby little hands on it.”
“Yes, that metric business was wrong.
“Exactly, I mean the British invented imperial measures. That’s why they’re called ‘imperial.’ ”
“Actually, Les, the British got them from Arabic countries. Britain was still using Latin from the Romans.”
“Well, the British made more out of the imperial measurements, anyway. That’s why I’m looking forward to a Great British Christmas next year.”
“What’s so British about Christmas?”
“Well, there’s yer Church of England, isn’t there?”
“The Church of England was invented by Henry VIII in the 16th century because the Pope wouldn’t give him a divorce.”
“Well, the Church of England’s got yer Nativity. Now that’s as British as they come.”
“The Nativity takes place in Bethlehem, that’s in Israel.”
“Well, they don’t have Christmas trees in Israel because Christmas trees are a British invention.”
“Actually, it was introduced by Prince Albert, who was German.”
“But he was married to Queen Victoria and it was a British tree.”
“Actually, it was a gift from the King of Norway and everyone copied the tradition.”
“Well, Christianity is British.”
“Actually, Christianity started in the Holy Land in the 1st century, spread across the Roman Empire about 400 years later, as the Emperor recognised Christianity as the dominant religion, the Holy Roman empire became the Roman Catholic church and the Church of England was invented by Henry VIII to get a divorce, which he granted himself, as head of the Church of England because the Pope refused.”
“Well, of course Christianity started with Jesus Christ because he gave his name to it. Jesus was the first Christian.”
“Actually, he was Jewish.”
“Yes, but when the Jews didn’t want him he came the first Christian and gave us our great British Bible.”
“Actually, the Bible was written in Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic.”
“But the Bible’s in English.”
“Yes, it was translated into English by William Tyndale in the 16th century, who was persecuted by so-called ‘Christian’ Catholics, during the reign of Elizabeth I and only became English under the reign of James I in 1607, using most of William Tyndale’s rather superior translation.”
“But James I was English.”
“Actually, he was Scottish, where he was known as James VI and became King of England because Elizabeth I named no successor.”
“Well, Jesus speaks English on television.”
“That’s because they’re English-speaking films.”
“Robert Powell played him in ‘Jesus of Nazareth’ in 1977. There are lots of different Jesuses.”
And the Reverend Archie Farcnad overheard and said “There is only one Christ, only one Saviour, only one way into the Kingdom of Heaven.”
And that was that!
Have a thoughtful Christmas. We’ll be back on New Year’s Day.
Say goodnight to all the nice people around the world.
OK, goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
December 18th 2018
Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
This week we want to pay tribute to the satirical wit of Alan Abel, born in Zanesville, Ohio in 1924.
In the late ’50s Alan Abel was a jazz drummer and was driving through Texas one day and found the highway blocked by a bull and cow mating.
While the bull and cow were mating, drivers were waiting and the horrified expressions on their faces gave him an idea.
He founded the spoof ‘Society for Indecency to Naked Animals,’ which campaigned to “clothe all naked animals that appear in public, namely horses, cows, dogs and cats, including any animal that stands higher than 4 inches or is longer than 6 inches.”
He hired an actor friend to play the earnest president of the society, G. Clifford Prout.
He invented slogans, such as “A Nude Horse Is a Rude Horse” and “Decency Today Means Morality Tomorrow.”
He air-dropped clothes into fields of cows, added shorts to the Greyhound Bus logo and staged a demonstration outside the White House in the early ’60s to urge Jackie Kennedy to cover up her horse’s private parts.
G. Clifford Prout appeared on ‘The tonight Show’ with Johnny Carson and was interviewed by Walter Cronkite on the ‘CBS Evening News.’
Branches sprang up everywhere before Alan Abel exposed his own hoax, explaining it had all been “to give people a kick up the intellect” and to make them laugh in serious times.”
Thus began a career making the hoax an art form, that fed on the gullibility of journalists, desperate for an exclusive scoop, the credulity of the public and his country’s constant moral carping.
When white supremacist David Duke was running for Governor of Louisiana in 1991 Alan Abel invented the ‘Ku Klux Klan Symphony Orchestra’ to promote a “kinder, gentler “image of David duke’s supporters. He paid musician friends to record ‘The William Tell Overture’ off-key, then sent the recording to radio stations, saying David Duke had been the guest conductor.
In 1993, amidst controversy provoked by Jack Kevorkian’s advocacy of a right to die, he invented a company in Florida called “Euthanasia Cruises” that offered “one-way voyages for those who wanted to expire in luxury.”
In 2006 he posed as Texas businessman Irwin Leba and proposed replacing income tax with a National Fat Tax, whereby citizens would pay 5 dollars for every pound they weighed. He used the slogan “The More You Weigh the More You Pay.”
Alan Abel got some of his wit from his Lithuania-Jewish father, who owned a shop and put a sign saying “Limit – Only Two To a Customer” in front of anything that wouldn’t sell. They’d all be gone by the end of the day!
Posing as a professional golfer, Alan Abel taught executives from Westinghouse how to us ballet positions to improve their game.
He invented Yetta Bernstein, a Jewish grandmother from the Bronx, who ran in the 1964 presidential election, with the slogan “Vote for Yetta and Things Will Get Betta.” She never appeared in person, but his wife impersonated her in countless radio and television interviews, campaigning for “national bingo tournaments and a truth serum in congressional drinking fountains.”
When Idi Amin was exiled from Uganda in 1979, he noticed a lookalike on the New York subway. He hired the man, some actor friends and a penthouse suite at the Plaza Hotel and staged Idi Amin’s wedding to a young white woman from Long Island. Even the FBI were fooled into turning up for that one.
He hired an actress to play a young cosmetologist, who had won the New York State lottery and staged a lavish party at the Omni Park Plaza Hotel, threw dollar bills from the windows and faxed invitations to the media. Totally taken in, the headline in the following day’s ‘New York Post’ was “35 Million Dollars and She’s Single!”
He founded ‘Females for Felons’ which campaigned for sex visits for prisoners.
He founded ‘Concerned Colourblind Citizens’ which protested against the use of colours to designate the security threat level to the United States.
And he wrote books, such as ‘Is There Sex After Death?’ This asked the question “Is it dangerous to masterbate under an electric blanket?” and pondered “Will the sex organs wear out from too much use?”
Alan Abel joins us in our lovely little village of Upton Went, as part of ‘the Greatest Show Not On Earth,’ the entrance of which is a time and space portal, where all time and space are one, outwardly appearing as a full size replica of the Crystal Palace from the Great Exhibition of 1851. It’s where everyone goes, if they’ve been nice!
Time for us to go now. We’ll be back with our Christmas Special on Christmas Day and New Year Special on New Year’s Day.
See you next Tuesday and have a very happy Christmas and New Year. Happy times and Places.
OK, goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 