Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And we were discussing which midnight they used on the International Space Station to see in the New Year when an important thought occurred to us.
It’s coming up to awards season again and nominations are being announced and we are incensed at the injustice and inequality of it all.
Once again no major nominations have been given to any animals!
There’s so much talk about blacks and women and equal pay that they don’t realise how selfish they’re all being. At least they’re human. There’s no prejudice against nominating a human, but if you’re an animal, forget it, the glass ceiling is there waiting for you.
I mean to say, did Mr. Ed ever get an Emmy?
No!
Did the actual War Horse get a Tony?
No! A pony with a Tony would’ve been nice!
Did Toto get an Oscar for ‘The Wizard of Oz?’
No!
Did Trigger get an O(scar for all those Roy Rogers movies he did?
No!
Did Big Bird get an Emmy for ‘Sesame Street,’ even though he’s been in it for 49 years?
No!
Did Chewbacca ever get an Oscar for the ‘Star Wars’ films, or Yoda, or even the big guy, Jabba the Hutt?
No! A wooden hut would stand a better chance!
They used to get Oscars years ago.
Remember Gregory Pecker?
Walter Pigeon?
George Seagull?
Anne N. Eagle?
Lion L. Bart?
Rhino Neal?
Hippo Crates?
The trouble is that no studios are run by animals, only humans. Even MGM still isn’t run by a lion.
Anyone else can get an award, but not animals.
Olivia de Havilland got an Oscar.
If a plane can get an Oscar, why not an animal?
Jack Lemon got an Oscar.
If a citrus fruit can get an Oscar, why not an animal?
Dustin Hoffman got an Oscar.
If a guitar can get an Oscar, why not an animal?
Tom Cruise got an Oscar.
If an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile can get an Oscar, why not an animal?
Steve McQueen got an Oscar.
If Scottish Royalty can get an Oscar, why not an animal?
Some get typecast and never work again.
Take the Elephant Man. He made one terrific movie in 1980, then nothing. Why?
Because there are no roles for elephants in movies today!
And to prove the point, when did you last see Babe the Sheep-pig in a new movie, or Stuart Little, or the Pink Panther, or even Lassie, bless him.
So get your placards out and demonstrate at the awards for ‘Equal Pay for Animals,’ or ‘If it Barks, It Deserves a Buck,’ or Furry Lives Matter,’ or ‘Find a Big Part For Our Pussies.’
You know it makes sense!
It’s time for us to go now, but we’ll see you again next week.
Say goodnight to all the nice people around the world and all our furry and feathery friends.
OK, goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 