Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
Do you know what happens when you marinate?
Yes, you leave the toilet seat up.
No, you mix everything together and let it bring all the flavours out.
Oh, you marry together what you ate.
Alright, yes.
So what?
So, that’s what we’ve been doing this week, isn’t it.
It’s what we do every week, really.
I suppose it is, yes.
So, what are we marrying and ating this week?
We saw an advertisement, didn’t we?
Oh yes. It said “Do you need your bottom scrubbing? Don’t delay, book your quick scrub today. Lift, power wash, hold in slings, up to one hour and relaunch.”
Hands up all those who realised we were talking about a yacht.
And wash your minds out all those who did not.
Anyway, Silly Sausage was telling us this week how fed up she is with self-professed “experts”saying what’s good and what’s bad.
Every commercial break has commercials for things like “sexy waterproof panties.”
There is nothing sexy about a weak bladder. If a man meets a woman at a singles bar and goes back to her place for a romantic evening, ending in bed together, she might expect a damp patch in the bed to lie on, but he doesn’t expect to wake-up soaked, with a rainbow over the bed.
Then there’s a commercial that says “even VIPs need to VIPoo.”
Is there anything more nauseating in a commercial break?
How about a commercial for starving children in Yemen, followed by a commercial for junk food?
Then there are countless commercials of women’s bottoms glaring at you in widescreen.
Bottoms on a bike.
Bottoms wobbling.
Bottoms dancing.
Bottoms bouncing.
And why?
Not because the lady loves ‘Milk Tray.’
No, because they’re selling panty liners.
One even has a chorus line of bottoms bouncing up and down, all so one nauseating woman can tell us “I…have…just…had…an…oops…moment”
I don’t wish to know that, kindly leave the stage and take your bouncing behind with you!
What happened to good old classics like the ‘Bumper Dumper?’
You don’t remember the ‘Bumper Dumper?’
My dear, you’ve never lived!
You go camping.
In the vacationing sense of the word.
You have dinner in the woods.
And feel something moving in the woods.
It’s your bowels.
Quick, attach the ‘Bumper Dumper’ to your car’s bumper and dump the night away.
No kidding?
Do bears shish-kebab in the woods?
Yes, they do and now you can too with a ‘Bumper Dumper.’
And with that thought we say so long for this week, but we’ll see you again next week, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.
Say goodnight to all the nice people around the world.
OK, goodnight folks. See you next Tuesday.
themaster1968 