Hi, I’m Apple…
…and I’m Ginger.
And last Saturday we were in the ‘Silly Cow.’
And the television was on.
And on came ‘Dr.Who’ starring Donald Trump as the Doctor.
And he was wearing a long scarf in Republican red.
And he said this:-
“I’m gonna make the universe great again.”
“Which is great.”
“I’ve saved the universe from the Daleks, which is great.”
“I’ve got lots of really great companions.”
“They’re all really, really great, which is great.”
“And I’m great because I’m the Doctor.”
“I said to the Daleks ‘Don’t you go sending anymore rockets off from Skaro because, if you do, anything could happen.’ ”
“And the Daleks stopped sending up rockets, which is great.”
“And I said to the head Dalek ‘If you wanna talk, we can talk.’ ”
And the Daleks said ‘Yeah, let’s talk,’ which is great for Americans and great for the whole world, right?”
“And I met with the head Dalek.”
“And the head Dalek, he’s a really great guy. Really, really great guy.”
“And this head Dalek, he’s got a limited vocabulary, like Hillary Clinton. I mean, they both say ‘Exterminate’ a lot, right?”
“And I said to this head Dalek, who’s a really, really great guy by the way, if you’re tuning in, I love you lots, ‘Look, I beat Hillary Clinton, who’s really a plastic-faced Auton and I beat the fake news of the Cybermen and I beat all those Sontarons in the White House press corps, so, who loves ya, baby, I can beat you too, right?’ ”
“And this head Dalek, you know, he’s waving his arms around and he’s getting all defensive and he’s saying ‘Ooh, please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me, I didn’t mean all the things I said about you during the campaign.’ ”
“And I told this head Dalek if he stopped launching rockets at the Thals, we could get rid of our sanctions.”
“And he was going “Ooh, please don’t kill me, I didn’t mean the Thals any harm.’ ”
“So he stopped launching all those rockets at the Thals on Skaro and he turned out to be a really great guy, which is great.”
“So I saved the universe from the Daleks, which is great because I’m the Doctor and I’m gonna make the universe great again, which is great, right?”
“I mean,when you look at Hillary Clinton and all the rest of those Auton losers, I’ve beaten the Autons and I can beat them again, I’ve created more jobs than the Autons and I’vegot rid of Autoncare.”
“And I’m gonna keep all these aliens away because I’m gonna build a wall.”
“And the wall’s gonna keep the aliens out.”
“And do you know who’s gonna pay for the wall?”
“That’s right, Mexico! Run by those Mexican Ice Warriors.”
“And we don’t want those Mexican Ice Warriors in America, right?”
“And we don’t want that Mexican Ice in America, right? We’re gonna keep it out, trust me.”
“Because I’m the Doctor, which is great and I’m gonna make America great again, which is great.”
Then, I think, we woke up.
Although I dunno, though!
Say goodnight, Gracie.
Goodnight, Grace.
See you next Tuesday.